Yesterday as a client and I were talking about social media, she asked me if I had seen the video that an angry father had posted on his daughter’s Facebook wall. This video was full of angry words to his daughter, and him shooting his daughter’s laptop with his gun. You might be wondering what would have prompted such an outrageous act.

This video was in response to his teenager daughter posting very ugly and mean words about her parents on her Facebook wall so that all her friends could read it, and laugh about it. Two wrongs don’t make a right. The damage that has been done to this relationship now as this video has gone viral could be irrepairable.

Our words have the ability to tear down and destroy our loves ones. But when we communicate with love, we have the ability to bless, lift up and heal not only our loves ones, but anyone who comes in contact with us. Below are 10 positive ways we can use our words, or tongue types, as I’ve called them.

The Truthful Tongue

To build trust in relationships, we need to be truthful. Telling lies erodes trust. Lies consist of outright deceit, half-truths, exaggerating and sometimes ommission of the truth. However, the truthful tongue does not give us permission to be brutually honest. If the truth is spoken to tear another person down, rather than constructively encourage them, then it’s better left unsaid.

The Secret Keeping Tongue

Have you ever been a victim of gossip? If so, you know how hurtful it feels to know that people you thought cared about you are actually talking behind your back. The next time someone tries to engage you in gossip, politely smile, and disengage yourself from the conversation.

The Humble Tongue

Katie Brazelton and Shelley Leith, author of Character Makeover explain humility like this. “To picture this on a continuum, think of humility as being at the middle of a scale: False humility is at the extreme left side of the scale – thinking everyone is better than you. At the extreme right end of the scale is boastful, prideful thinking. Humility is balanced in the middle, with a right view of who you are and who you’re not, and who God is and that you just ain’t Him!”

The Cautious Tongue

The cautious tongue thinks before speaking, and is not impulsive with her words. When you’re feeling angry, feisty, or hyper, slow down and take some deep breaths. It is better not to speak right away than to regret words you can’t take back.

The Accepting Tongue

Have you ever found it difficult to live with or work with people that are different than you? Maybe there are individuals that have character traits that just get under your skin. The accepting tongue does not judge, criticize or focus on the faults of others. It can be helpful to remind ourselves that we all have our idiosyncrasies, and we strengthen our character by learning to love one another.

The Peacemaking Tongue

Robert Morris, author of “The Power of Your Words”, points out three ways to know if you have a contentious or argumentative spirit:

• Do you always have to be “right”?

• Do you always have to have the last word?

• Do you always have to say “I told you so”?

Tis better to keep the peace than stir up trouble.

The Optimistic Tongue

What do you want to attract into your life? Every negative thought, feeling or word you speak attracts more negativity into your life. Everything starts with your thoughts. So if you want to speak positively, you must think positively.

The Confident Tongue

We’ve learned that sometimes it’s good to be silent, but other times we need to learn to speak up. We should speak up when others have hurt us or stepped over our boundaries. If someone is wrongly attacking the character of another human being, it’s time to speak up. And you should never hold back your ideas or thoughts when what you say could contribute positively to a conversation.

The Selfless Tongue

One of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones and others is the gift of listening. When you listen, you should be 100% present and focused completely on the other person. More often than not, people are focused on what is being said and how that relates to them. Avoid being overly self-absorbed and loquacious, and just focus on listening from the heart.

The Wise Tongue

The wise tongue knows when to speak, when to be silent, and what tongue type to use in any given situation. The wise tongue is also aware that while our words are certainly a big part of our communication, our tone, body language, gestures and facial expressions are so much more.

What about you?  What tongue type do you need to develop?