Guest Post by Nancy Parker – former Professional Nanny

Half the battle with kids is stopping behavior problems before they start. With a little planning ahead and a lot of discipline, you can avoid many behavior challenges before they become real issues. Try these five simple ways to stay a step ahead and avoid conflict.

1. Limit choices – A lot of conflicts start with too many choices. Number one, children cannot handle making complex decisions. It will stress them out. You want them to be able to make choices, yes, but you don’t want to overwhelm or frustrate them. A good way to avoid this problem is to offer only two or three things to choose from, be it clothing, vegetables, or movies. Number two, giving children too many choices gives them the idea that they are in charge. You should empower your children but not make them think they are smarter/better than their parents. Limiting choices shows that you are still in control of the big picture, but they have some limited control of things that directly affect them.

2. Don’t promise anything – Another thing that causes problems are broken promises. As an adult, you know that things don’t always go according to plan. But children do not have the same reasoning ability. They will get angry and frustrated if the plans you’ve made fall through. Instead of promising to take them somewhere or do something special, make it more of an option. As in “if we get this done early today we will try to make it over to the pet store to look at the puppies.” That way, if an emergency comes up or something happens, they were always aware it was an option, not a guarantee.

3. Start early – If you start out patterns of behavior when children are young, it does not cause as much conflict later. Chores are especially important. If you have very young children helping out and doing what they can, even if it is slower or messier than you would like, it will help them to keep being responsible as they get older. It is a lot easier to gradually work up to responsibility than assume that the child will hit some ‘magic’ age and become responsible. Much conflict is cause by children suddenly being expected to do something because they have reached a certain age. Working up to responsibility is a better way than suddenly throwing it on them.

4. Keep it simple – Many a parent has fallen into the trap of complexity. Children are simple. They are entertained by simple things. Adults forget this fact and try to complicate everything. Keep it simple and you’ll avoid a lot of conflict. Children will also be less stressed out and enjoy themselves more. A child would rather go for a walk in the park with a happy parent than go to Disney Land with a grumpy one. One activity at a time, one place at a time. Remember that attitude trumps location every time. Keep it simple and you’ll both be happier.

5. Plan ahead –This doesn’t mean to plan out every single detail. You need to remain flexible. Things will come up; your plans will have to change. However, if you have a general idea of what you are going to do, it will be a lot less frustrating for yourself and your child. A child never wants to feel like their parent is out of control or confused. Parents are supposed to be ‘adults’ and always know what’s going on. That doesn’t mean you can’t let your child know when you are having problems, but if you plan ahead and keep calm, your child will feel more confident in you. Much conflict stems from fear and a need to be in control of a situation. If you are in control and calm, your child will be much less likely to try and take over.

The main source of conflict is a struggle for control. Either you are in control or your child is. Your child wants to feel safe. If you do not provide a sense of safety and stability, children will try to create that by themselves. They will try to fight you for control. The best way to avoid conflict is to remain calm and in control. If your child feels safe, conflict will be drastically reduced.

Author Bio

Nancy Parker was a professional nanny and she loves to write about a wide range of subjects like health, parenting, childcare, babysitting, tips on nanny background checks, etc. You can reach her at nancy.parker015@ gmail.com.